This One Time
by Samitballi
Summary: Just a series of ficlets set in the time between my Avenger stories Mini-Vengers and Linchpin. Random fluffiness featuring Clint and Natasha's two daughters, Tony and Pepper's son, Thor and Jane's two kids and Steve and his OC's twin girls. Madness, cuteness and all that fluftastic stuff will ensue! [you should probably at least read Mini-Vengers first]
1. Kisses To Feel Better

Hello there! So basically I couldn't give up writing The Avengers with kids. So I've started a series of ficlets (no more than 2,000 words) set in the time between my two Avenger stories Mini-Vengers and Linchpin. If you haven't read at least one of those stories I strongly suggest you do or else these ficlets will probably confuse the heckles out of you. I'm not sure how many of these there will be and they'll jump time a lot but basically they are the little plot bunnies that pop into my head even though I'm "done" writing these characters as children. I have 3 planned out, after that I don't know. But they'll each have a Polyvore set with the same title as the chapter so when you're done reading the chapter go check out my Polyvore (samitballi. polyvore. com) for a look at the outfits [I won't be adding Author's Notes to these stories so you'll have to remember to check my Polyvore on your own]

So let me know what you think, if I should keep writing these and whatnot. Enjoy!

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_This one time dress-up with Thor turned into something a little bit more..._

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It was extremely rare for one team member to watch after all 5 kids alone but Mickey had a doctor's appointment to make sure her twins were growing healthy, Bruce and Dani were away on vacation, Clint and Natasha were on special assignment for S.H.I.E.L.D., Pepper was in D.C. on business and Tony was setting up for the latest Stark Convention. That left Thor and Jane alone in the tower with five little kids. However, a half-hour into babysitting and Jane got an urgent call from Darcy about some lab experiment gone wrong so she bailed to take the cal, leaving Thor to entertain eight-year-old Ryland, six-year-old Anya, five-year-old Dahlia, four-year-old Irina and three-year-old Kellen. All. Alone.

A task almost more frightening than facing Frost Giants in Jotunheim.

"Uncle Thor, we're bored." Anya complained as she approached Thor with Dahlia, Irina and Kellen trailing behind. It was clear she was leader of the pack.

"What do you wish to play?" Thor asked, kneeling down to her level so she didn't have to crane her neck to look up at him. Thor was always the go-to guy for made-up games. He was always more than willing to get down on all fours and be Princess Dahlia's horse or construct makeshift swords out of cardboard and aluminum foil so he could do battle with Anya in the living room or throw Ryland around acting like he was flying through space and time. Every one of the Avengers were great with the kids and they each had their strong suits. Natasha was a master at hide-and-go-seek but it always took all day cause she'd have to hide all the kids expertly well then hide herself. Tony and Bruce were the go-to guys for creative, arts and crafts type playing such as R&D experiments and building/drawing things. Steve was best at reading to the kids, always using special voices and accents for each character. And Clint was best at competitive games because he never let the kids win juts cause they were little.

"Let's play dress-up!" Irina suggested immediately. Dress-up was all Irina ever wanted to play and though Anya in particular was bored of the game she was sure Thor could make it fun. So they all headed upstairs to the spare room in the communal level that was turned into a giant play room with all the kid's toys. They had a massive chest full of dress-up clothes ranging from hand-me-downs to Halloween costumes to Natasha's old mission outfits. But of course even the play clothes were expensive- like two-hundred dollar Gucci pumps Pepper wore out and priceless Asgardian scarfs.

Clothing items were flung everywhere and each kid changed five times before they finally decided what to wear. Irina was a princess in Anya's old peach colored dress, a crown of tin foil and flowers on her head and Kellen was dressed like a ninja. Dahlia was dressed in one of Natasha's old catsuits, everything about it too big for even Dahlia who was the second tallest behind Ryland. Anya left on her shorts and blue/white polka-dot shirt but added a leather jacket and a plethora of water guns and plastic knives. Ryland, who didn't even want to play at first, wound up dressed in a suit with plastic knives and Nerf guns tucked away throughout the clothing. He claimed to be an undercover S.H.I.E.L.D. agent so Anya decided she was as well.

Once all the kids knew what they were wearing they dressed up Thor as the bad guy. "You're a bad guy and you kidnapped Rina and we're getting her back." Kellen explained excitedly as they all got ready to play.

They all set out playing their game with Nerf guns and foam swords. Thor grabbed Irina and threw her over his shoulder as he ran out to the living room where the kids chased after him. Anya and Ryland kept ducking behind furniture and rolling into fight stances, drawing their weapons and barely missing Thor who skillfully dodged foam bullets and boasted about it. Kellen was the first to get "killed" taking a "bullet" when Dahlia switched sides and joined her dad's team.

"Traitor!" Anya yelled as she ducked behind the couch just in time for Dahlia to fire at her. Ryland rolled behind the couch next to her, a little sweaty from playing so hard. "No one's to be trusted. We're the only ones left."

Ryland silently counted to three before they both popped up and started rapid fire shooting at Thor. He was distracted by Dahlia which gave them the chance to catch him off guard and finally Anya hit him in the face with a foam bullet. Thor made a show of going down hard, falling all over the place and groaning loudly in a sensational death scene.

"_Nooooooooo_!" Dahlia screamed dramatically as she fell to her knees before her father, letting out a long battle cry. She stood between Kellen and Thor as they laid on the floor before grabbing a sward and swinging it towards Anya. "You will pay for what you've done to my family!" she yelped, letting out a little giggle before regaining her composure and lashing out at Anya who laughed and ran away.

"I've got your six, Ace!" Ryland shouted as he ran to provide back-up for his "partner" as she fought off Dahlia. The trio fought all throughout the living room, jumping on furniture since Pepper was away and couldn't yell at them. Then all at once the playing stopped when the rug kicked out from under Anya and she fell face-first to the hardwood floor. She didn't even have time to catch herself so she fell with a clatter, smacking her chin onto the floor hard enough for her to accidentally bite her lip.

Everyone froze as they watched her fall and there was a beat of silence before what happened registered in all of them. Then she started crying. Hard.

Anya didn't cry very often; when she was really upset or tired, when she was really hurt and when she watched _Dumbo_, she cried. Otherwise she was usually very easy to get along with. However her lip started bleeding and her chin turned bright red so everyone knew she was really hurt. Thor struggled to get up off the floor and tend to her but Ryland beat him to it, dropping everything in his hands to help Anya up. Dahlia quickly ran to the kitchen for a tissue to stop the bleeding and Thor told her to fetch an ice pack as well.

"You okay, Ace?" Ryland asked as she continued to cry. Her mouth was all bloody and the ice pack she held to her lip was quickly ruined but given a minute she calmed down a bit. Thor wasn't entirely sure what to do, other than to try and stop the bleeding, but Ryland was there to help sooth her so he didn't panic.

Anya started gasping those short little breaths the way kids do when they cry but it was certainly a pathetic sound. Ryland desperately wanted her to feel better but he didn't know how to make it stop. All he knew was the tricks Pepper used to make his boo-boos feel better. So when Thor was cleaning up the blood from the floor and Anya was sitting on the couch with Ryland, he decided to try making her feel better. When she stopped crying and her lip was done bleeding, Ryland grabbed her face and kissed her on the lips the way Pepper kissed his boo-boos.

Thor seriously froze dead still, staring up at them in shock even as Anya started to smile. All he could think was how Clint would react.


	2. Ruffians

Author's Note: Because I was late with the last chapter of Linchpin I present you with mini-badass Anya :) Enjoy!

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This one time some boys tried heckling Dahlia and Anya just wasn't having it...

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It'd been a long winter with everyone stuck in the tower all the time and when the weather finally warmed up, everyone was clamoring to get outside. So Jane and Natasha grabbed their coats and took the kids out to the park. Keeping their eyes on seven-year-old Anya, six-year-old Dahlia, five-year-old Irina and four-year old Kellen was quite the challenge. But at least the four of them stuck close together. It was easier to watch the group than all of them scattered about the park. So they let Dahlia and Anya take their bikes along so they had the chance to ride somewhere other than the tower garage.

"Mommy, hold my ring. I don't wanna lose it." Anya said as she screeched to a stop by Natasha. For Christmas a few months prior Clint got his three girls silver infinity rings. Natasha's had three diamonds (one for Clint, one for Anya, and one for Irina) and the girls were adjustable so they could keep them for a few years. Anya almost never took hers off whereas Irina never wore hers- instead kept it in a little box on her nightstand. So in order not to lose it Natasha added it to her necklace, keeping it around her neck for safe keeping.

When the group got to the park Jane and Natasha quickly found a nearby bench to occupy while the kids ran to the playground. Anya still loved the slide the best and Irina loved the swings. Kellen went straight for the monkey bars but Dahlia stayed on her bike, riding in circles around the bench Jane and Natasha occupied.

All the kids dressed in play clothes, which for Anya, consist of jeans, a Captain America shirt, a black leather jacket and black gladiator shoes. Her strawberry blond curls had gotten so long they reached her waist so she pulled them up in a messy bun, spirals falling down around her face regardless. Dahlia was also dressed to play, in gray jeans and an orange striped sweater along with brown boots. Her hair darkened every year so it was almost brown but still streaked with a bit of her dad's blond. She'd just gotten it cut at the start of the year, deciding a pixie cut would look cute. And it absolutely did even when it was sort of wavy.

Over the next half hour Kellen fell from the monkey bars twice, Dahlia almost ran over Anya and Irina fell backwards off the swings. Each kid cried at least once and Anya had a full scale meltdown because the basket on the front of her bike broke off. Natasha felt bad cause she didn't know how to fix it and Anya was so upset but with the promise of a brand new basket and a candy bar in the pocket of her black leather jacket, Anya calmed down and rode off with Dahlia again. They were traveling in circles around the playground, just going round and round and round. They made something of an obstacle course out of trashcans, benches and potholes but they slowly started drifting further and further away from Natasha and Jane and before they knew it, Anya and Dahlia were so far out they couldn't even see their mothers anymore. So Anya turned around and peddled back a few paces, leaving Dahlia by a nearby bridge to hold their place. Not but a few seconds later Dahlia found herself slightly less alone.

"Hey, little girl!" someone called from the other side of the bridge and Dahlia turned on instinct. A group of four boys came over the bridge, some as old as twelve or so. They all looked a little sketchy to Dahlia with backwards baseball caps and lose hanging pants. One of the boys even had a scar on his arm that looked pretty bad. In the back of her mind, Dahlia thought this is what a ruffians look like.

She averted her eyes, hoping they weren't talking to her, impatiently awaiting Anya's return. "Hey, little girl!" the same boy called out again as they got even closer to her. "Hey I'm talking to you."

"Umm, I don't know you." Dahlia replied softly, still not looking up at the boys as they got even closer until they were crowded around her.

"Nice bike you got there." one of the boys said, kicking the tire. The bike jerked a little but Dahlia steadied it. "I never had a bike this nice before."

"Your parents must be jacked," another boy added. Dahlia didn't say anything or even react, just kept her eyes trained on something off in the distance. "if they can afford such a nice bike like this."

"Those are cool boots." one boy said, pointing to her brown bike boots. She considered back pedaling and getting the heck away from them all but two of the boys were standing behind her so she was stuck between them. "My parents don't buy me name brands like that."

"Again I say, you're parents must be jacked." the other boys said again. The end of his sentence was sort of cut off a little by the screech of bike tires behind them. Everyone turned to see Anya skid to a stop before them.

"What's up?" Anya asked seriously, looking between all the boys then over to Dahlia's worried blue eyes. The boys standing between her and Dahlia immediately fixed her as another target but Anya stood up a little higher on her peddles, setting herself almost eye level with the older boys.

"We were just complimenting our friend here on her bike." one of the boys said. "And now I see you've got a real nice one too."

"Even got a basket, huh?" One of the boys reached out to touch the basket but Anya back peddled fast enough that he missed and skidded his fingers against her tire. It hurt enough to make him pull back sharply but he didn't say anything.

"We gotta go," Anya said, motioning for Dahlia to join her. Just as Dahlia went to peddle away a boy grabbed her handlebars and pulled her to a stop.

"Wait up now," he said seriously, almost making Dahlia fall over. "Who says it's fair that you two get nice bikes and we don't get nothing?"

"Yeah we think that ain't fair." another boy called out.

"Then ask your parents to buy you nice bikes too." Anya replied easily. One of the boys laugh bitterly and Anya made a face.

"Our parents don't buy nice things." one boy said as he stepped up behind Anya's bike. "But that don't mean we can't take nice things." Then the boy pulled the bike out from under Anya and she almost fell to the ground. That's when Anya decided she'd had enough.

"Give me my bike!" she yelled, grabbing the handlebars and pulling on them hard enough for the bike to slip out of the older boy's hands and clatter to the ground. "This is my bike! My daddy bought it for me and not you. So leave us alone!"

"What are you gonna do about it?" the first boy asked, stepping up to Anya and looking down on her. Anya accepted the challenge with a serious look, stepping up even closer and puffing out her chest.

"I'm gonna get my mom to kick your butt." she said so seriously that the boys paused a minute. But then they started laughing so hard one of them fell over. But never the less Anya stood her ground.

"Oh you're gonna get your mommy?" the boys teased. "Oh I'm so scared! I'm practically shaking! Your mommy is gonna hurt me!" The boys all laughed as their jokes bounced between them, each taking turns making fun of Anya who stood just as tall as she did when she made the statement.

"Yes she is. Because my mommy is the Black Widow." Anya said proudly. The boys all paused a second, all questioning if it was true or not. They looked between each other, all knowing The Avengers had kids but never in a million years imagining they'd meet one.

"No way your mom is..." the first boy was in the middle of saying when he got cut off.

"Anya, Dahlia? Where are you girls?" Natasha called out just as she rounded the corner and came into view. Every boy's jaw hit the dirt as they watched the Black Widow walk up to the girls. "What's going on here guys?" Natasha asked as she reached to pick up Anya's bike.

The look on Anya's face could only be described as smug as Natasha helped her climb back onto her bike. The boys were all dumbfounded as they watched Natasha brush back a piece of Dahlia's hair before asking again what they were all up to.

"Oh nothing," Anya said in a sing-song, flashing the boys her biggest smile.

Natasha thought the whole seen odd but shrugged it off. "Okay well Stark called so we're gonna head back to the tower now." she said apprehensively, watching the boys back off slowly.

Before Anya made it around the bend beside Natasha and Dahlia, she turned to stick her tongue out at the boys.


	3. Ирина не может спать

Author's Note: Since I _still_ haven't finished the next chapter of Linchpin, here's some adorable Anya/Irina time.

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This one time Irina had a nightmare and Anya knew exactly what to do...

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Bedtime was always a pain when it came to Irina. She never wanted to go to bed then never wanted to get up in the morning. She'd sleep till nine or ten in the morning because she'd stay up until eleven or even twelve the night before. It was always an issue from the time they brought the baby home from the hospital. Clint and Natasha didn't know what to do; Anya was always a great sleeper they'd never dealt with a bad bedtime routine before.

They tried everything to get Irina to bed at a regular time. They brought her down to the gym to run around and burn off some energy but that didn't work. They tried hot tea or milk before bed but that didn't work either. They thought maybe she was scared of the dark (opposite of Anya) so they strung fairy lights above her crib to cut the darkness a bit but that didn't work either. They tried white noise CD's and music but those just kept her up longer. Walks, drives around the block and rocking never helped and locking her in her room at night only made her yell louder thus keeping Anya up later. They even tried Melatonin but nothing worked.

Then on top of not getting her in bed, they started having trouble keeping her in bed. When she was almost three she started waking up a time or two a night for no apparent reason other than to find her way to Clint and Natasha's room and climb into bed with them. The first time she climbed into bed with them they immediately put her back in her room so she didn't become dependent on their presence. But three times a night she just kept coming back so finally they let her stay every few nights. So long as they were sleeping, Natasha figured, they'd deal with the aftereffects later.

But then one night she bypassed Clint and Natasha's room all together.

It was almost two in the morning when Irina woke up. She shimmied out of her toddler bed, pulling her favorite stuffed elephant Slon (Russian for elephant) from her floral sheets. When Irina was born she got Anya's old nursery and Anya moved to the room across from Irina's. They'd repainted Irina's walls lilac and she'd gotten all new furniture but some of Anya's old toys and her old baby books were still scattered about the room. When Irina managed her way out of her comforter, she reached up to her bookcase that doubled as a nightstand and clicked on her owl lamp to illuminate the room so she could see her way out. Her pink horsey pajamas were too long and she tripped over the bottoms when she pulled open her bedroom door. Clint put a little bell on top that rang whenever Irina sneaked out so they'd know what she was up to at night. Hearing the bell, Clint and Natasha instinctively made room for their youngest daughter to join them in bed. But their door never opened and a tiny red-head never joined them.

Worried her daughter had gone somewhere she shouldn't, Natasha threw back the covers and went out to the hall to investigate. Irina's bedroom door was still open and her lamp was on but she wasn't inside. But Natasha noticed Anya's door was open as well, which was odd since Anya needed her room pitch black in order to sleep. With the dim hallway nightlight on, light would shine right into Anya's room and she wouldn't be able to sleep so they always closed Anya's door. So Natasha walked over and peeked her head inside.

Both Anya and her little sister were curled up in Anya's bed, cuddled close together. Irina had Slon and Anya had Shchenok in their clutches and their arms wrapped around each other. And as if that weren't precious enough, Anya was singing softly to her baby sister.

"_Люли, люли, люленьки, Где вы, где вы, гуленьки? Прилетайте на кровать, Начинайте ворковать. Люли, люли, люленьки, Прилетели гуленьки. Сели в изголовьице - Спи-ка на здоровьице. Стали гули ворковать - Стала доча засыпать.__"_ Anya sang softly the exact Russian lullaby Natasha sang when the girls would have nightmares. Anya's Russian was damn near flawless even at five-years-old and her little voice carried the tune perfectly. As much as Natasha wanted to go in and hug and kiss the most important little girls in her life, she backed away slowly, turning off the hallway nightlight on her way back to bed.

"She okay?" Clint asked sleepily as Natasha crawled back into bed facing him.

"Yeah she'll be fine." Natasha replied as she curled into Clint's side. He hadn't even really woken up but he still wrapped one arm around Natasha's waist and used the other to support her head as she wedged her knee between his and snuggled down into the comforter and his arm.

The next morning when Natasha asked the girls how they slept, they shared a secret smile and chorused, "Good," in unison, giggling. Clint asked what was so funny but Anya stuffed a Nutella pancake in her mouth to avoid replying.

"Вы девушки хранить секреты." Natasha said teasingly, winking at Anya. Both the girls grew up hearing Russian regularly and Anya spoke it as a second language. Irina was slower to catch on but she knew certain key words, phrases and how to count in Russian. It was fun watching people's faces though when Anya broke into Russian at five-years-old in order to keep a conversation private.

"только хорошие." Anya promised, before reaching across the table for Natasha's hand adding, "Pinky promise." with a smile. Natasha and Anya pinky swore the girl's secret was good and safe, and that was the last night Irina sneaked out of bed.


	4. Father's Day

Author's Note: In honor of all the dads; whether they're biological dad's, adopted dad's, step dad's, or just men you greatly appreciate for being in your life.

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_This one time...Anya made Father's Day special._

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Holidays were always a big deal in the tower. They had a tradition for just about every single holiday that passed. Thanksgiving they made and ate a huge meal then went to a local orphanage to spend the holiday and provide more food to the kids who couldn't be with their families. Christmas, they all slept on the living room floor around the tree (unless someone was pregnant and needed a bed). New Years they let all the kids stay up late and when they got into their teen years a glass of campaign was aloud at midnight. On the Fourth of July they celebrated both America's independence from Britten by shooting off fireworks and having a cook-out, but also Mickey and Steve's wedding anniversary by letting lose paper lanterns just as they had on the wedding day (and when the twins came along, the team would send Mickey and Steve to a hotel for the night and keep the girls for the night). They celebrated Memorial Day and Veterans Day by having a massive cook-out where Steve and Danni would rattle off tales of their time in service, then they'd head to the Manhattan Vet Center.

Every year on Valentine's Day they'd draw straws to see who had to stay at home and babysit while the other couples in the tower went to dinner until the kids were old enough to stay home alone (or babysit for them). Even though no one in the tower was very religious, they still went to church on Easter and observed Palm Sunday and Good Friday. Hell they even celebrated Mardi Gras and Cinco de Mayo.

But the two holidays everyone loved most were Mother's Day and Father's Day. On Mother's Day they didn't have any traditions other than a day off work- whether "work" was managing Stark Industries for Pepper or just changing diapers. Thor and Jane always took the kids to Asgard the week of Mother's Day because in Asgard woman- and particularly mother's- were held in high regard. Jane was already royalty for having married Thor and bore his children, but that week she was _truly_ treated right- like a queen or even better.

The rest of the team tried to live up to Asgard's high standards. Usually they just wanted some peace and quiet though. The girls would all go to a spa and get pampered or go shopping. Usually Tony would take Pepper out somewhere nice for dinner or fly somewhere special. Steve always made Mickey breakfast in bed and practically waited on her hand-and-foot. Clint always let Natasha sleep in and he'd try his hardest to keep the girls off her hands all day then they'd go out on the balcony at night and have a bit to drink and reminisce over the ridiculousness that was their relationship. It was even a big deal for Danni who didn't have any kids of her own. Bruce treated her right all day, and when they'd inevitably wind up babysitting that night he'd do 90% of the work for her.

Father's Day was similar. The boy's got whatever they wanted, which was usually control of the TV and beer. Steve always wound up going to a baseball game on Father's Day, whether it was a Mets game or a little league game, he somehow always found himself in the stands with Florence in his lap explaining the rules and the way the game worked. Thor and his family went to Asgard so he could celebrate Odin as well as his own fatherly accomplishments. Clint got to sleep in and spend the day lounging around in his boxers, spending time with his girls. Then at the end of the day Tony got his wish, and the boys would all suit up (in Armani rather than iron) and head to some club or bar and get slightly shit-faced together.

As the kids got older those two holidays meant more and more. Ryland always made his parents something either with Bruce in R&D or just a paper card with six folds, a cartoon and a special gift inside. Both Pepper and Tony kept everything Ryland ever made them- they were on display on a shelf in the apartment- everything from little sculptures to cards and even a little Iron Man he made that could play music through his arc reactor.

From the time Kellen was old enough to spell, he'd write long and wordy cards to his parents on those two holidays. He'd decorate the front of the card but both panels on the inside and even the back were covered in words that went from "you're the bestest mommy of all the mommies" to "I appreciate all of the sacrifices you made, both willingly and involuntarily, to raise me and Dahlia so well" as he got older and refined his writing skills. Which left Dahlia nothing to do but get a potted plant and hope her parents understood that she was the less-poetic child but cared just as deeply as her little brother.

The twins always helped Steve with Mother's Day breakfast in bed, and made cards and macaroni gifts for Mickey. On Father's Day they'd tag along to the mandatory baseball game and used their allowance to buy Steve a loaded New York hotdog and listen carefully as he explained the game- even when they weren't very interested. One year their school did a Father's Day/career day combined event where all the student's dads came in and talked about their careers. Charlotte wrote a paper about how Steve's job was to save people's lives and how self-less he's always been. He didn't bother wearing the uniform but when he stood at the front of the class listening to his daughters animatedly tell all the other kids how their dad was the best in the world, he got a little misty eyed.

For Clint Father's Day wasn't about getting cards or gifts or even about getting acknowledged for his role in the family, rather it was just a day wherein the family would spent quality time together. That's all he wanted anyway, to spend the day with his girls. Sometimes they'd go out to central park and have a picnic or they'd run around the Museum of Natural History pretending to be adventurers and explorers. One year they even went camping.

But Anya outdid everyone one year when she was seven.

Father's Day landed only a couple days after the end of Irina's first school year so they were taking a trip to Tahiti for the week as one of their summer vacations. They were having a blast, loving the beach and the beauty of it all then on Sunday Father's Day rolled around. As usual, Clint got to sleep in without one of the girls running in and jumping on him. They had brunch and went surfing almost all afternoon when Clint asked what they were up to next. Natasha just shrugged, smiling secretively as she packed up their things and they headed back to their resort. Clint just kept asking and asking and asking but Natasha wouldn't let a single detail slip. They went out for dinner and he spent almost the whole time asking question after question after question. He was still clueless even after dinner as he carried a fast-asleep Irina to the room she shared with Anya.

"Well she's out like a light." he said as he closed the door and joined Natasha and Anya in the living room. "So looks like we're stuck here for the night. What could you possibly have planned!?" Natasha and Anya just giggled to themselves. After that Anya disappeared for a few minutes in her room while Clint continued to drill Natasha for answers.

"I don't know," Natasha said for the hundredth time. "I'm not the one who planned it."

"Well then who..." Clint's question got cut off when Anya exited her room in a colorful paisley halterneck handkerchief dress with her hair (still slightly damp from swimming all day) in a curly side ponytail.

"You better dress up a little too, Daddy, or I'm gonna look like a sore-thumb tonight." she said as she swayed back forth a little, smiling really wide.

Clint was sort of breathless for a minute as he realized just how beautiful his little girl was, but when he finally found his voice he asked, "Where are we going, Little Bird?"

"We're going dancing." Anya replied but didn't give any further information; she just shooed him to the bedroom telling him to clean up and, "Look presentable!"

Clint did as he was told, changing into nice jeans and a burgundy button-up since he didn't have any dressy clothes with him. "Tasha, seriously. What's going on?"

Natasha tossed herself onto the bed with a happy sigh as she told him, "Anya saw on the bulletin board yesterday the resort is having a Daddy-Daughter Dance on the beach tonight. I swear, Clint, she did everything. She went to the front desk and got tickets, even sweet-talked the manager into lowering the price!"

Clint was completely amazed and yet at the same time unsurprised. "She _is_ our kid," he said with a chuckle. "But why?" he wondered aloud as he buttoned up his shirt.

"You'll just have to ask her that." Natasha whispered as she crawled off the bed to fix the buttons he'd miss-matched. Once he was ready Natasha sent him back to the living room where Anya was waiting. They took a picture together before they headed out to the beach off the main resort lodge. There were fairy lights strung all about and music playing as two dozen dad's and their daughters gathered on the beach to dance, dine and have some quality bonding time. Anya immediately reached up to hold Clint's hand as they wondered into the festivities.

Over the course of the night they ate some more, dance and laughed so hard Clint's stomach started to hurt. And as the night wound down, they went for a walk along the shore holding hands, taking the scenic rout back to their cabin. They talked about this, that and the other thing, mostly school and life. Anya told him about the little girl she met at the lodge the previous day who was actually from Russia (which absolutely amazed her). Clint told her some stories about how he and Natasha met and fell in love. Then finally as they rounded the bend to their cabin, Clint asked why Anya wanted this Father's Day to be so special.

Anya paused a second to think about her answer as she kept walking hand-in-hand beside Clint, her sandals in his free hand so she could stick her toes in the water. When she finally came up with the right words to use, Anya looked up at Clint and smiled as she said, "Because you're the best Daddy in the world and one day when I'm grown up, I wanna marry a man just like you. So my daughter's will have the best Daddy too."


	5. Would You Rather

Author's Note: This is above all the most random thing I've ever written lol but I felt like writing and this is what came up. Sorry there's no point to it at all :p

(Polyvore set under the title Would You Rather)

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_This one time Clint and Natasha did Mickey's wedding registry..._

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Mickey had never been busier in her entire life. There was always _something_ wedding related that needed to be done. She had to go across town to okay a flower delivery, she had to go to the bakery to taste a new frosting, she had to go with Pepper to the venue and go over seating charts and there were color schemes to plan and invitations to send out and media to deal with and on top of it all, she had to wrap her own mind around the idea that she was getting married. The only seconds of downtime she had, Mickey tried spending with Steve discussing anything but tapestries, china patterns and floral arrangements. So it was no surprise she accidentally let her wedding gift registry slip her mind. But she just didn't have time to go to Macy's and Bergdorf and all over New York giving people gift ideas. So she turned to the only other woman- besides Pepper- she trusted.

"I really hate to put you out like this, Nat, but it's such a help." Mickey said gratefully as she stood alongside Natasha in the communal kitchen. Even though everyone was pitching in to make Steve and Mickey's wedding day dreams come true, Pepper was acting as wedding planner. If it weren't for that, Mickey would've asked her, but since Pepper already had her hands full of Mickey's problems, she turned to Natasha begging for help.

"It's not really that big of a deal." Natasha replied offhandedly as she cleaned up the remnants of the family's breakfast earlier that morning. "I'll drag Clint and the kids along, it'll be fine."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you! A million times, thank you!" Mickey chorused as she wrapped Natasha in a tight hug. Nat chuckled, returning the hug but trying not to touch Mickey with her soapy hands. "I gotta run, Pepper and I are meeting a caterer or something. Thank you again! I owe you!"

"I'll collect!" Natasha promised sarcastically as Mickey rushed out of the tower. It wasn't really that big of a deal but Natasha wasn't particularly excited about the task either. She already had her hands full watching Ryland as well as Anya and Irina for the day, but one trip out in the city wouldn't kill them. So she headed back to her level where Clint was trying to wrangle Irina into her ballet outfit.

"I don't wanna go to ballet today, I wanna stay home with you." Irina complained as she refused the pink leotard Clint held out to her. She was half way home, already in tights and her ballet slippers, she just needed to slip into the tutu and leotard so Natasha could put her hair up and they were ready to go. Only getting her in the getup was harder than hard.

"We're not staying home," Natasha said as she traded places with Clint who went to get Irina's ballet bag ready. "Mickey needs us to go to a bunch of stores and pick out pots and pans for her wedding registry."

"What's that?" Irina asked, tilting her head to the side in curiosity.

"It's all the stuff Steve and Mickey want us to buy them." Ryland chimed in from his place on the couch next to Anya playing video games. Lately that's all they ever wanted to do; racing games, shooting games, puzzle games, you name it and Ryland and Anya played it. Natasha was starting to get worried the games were bad for them in such a copious amount but they still played other less-electronic games as well so she didn't sweat it.

"It's going to be super boring and even I'm not looking forward to it; so I promise you'll have more fun at ballet class than with us." Natasha said seriously, making Irina stop and think a second.

"You promise?" she asked, raising one eyebrow. Natasha just held her hand out, pinky up so she could pinky promise Irina. Once their deal was done, Irina stepped right into her leotard and let Natasha pull her hair up in a pony-tale. Clint returned a second later with Irina's backpack and so Natasha told him of their plan.

"I'm gonna need your help picking stuff out." she said as she pinned back the multitude of ringlets that refused to stay in Irina's pony-tale. Irina never liked her hair long, even at four-years-old, she hated it in her eyes. So Natasha was always pinning it back and trying to get it off her forehead but Irina's hair was just as unruly and curly as Anya's so most of their efforts were futile.

"Looks like we're all headed out then." Clint directed his comment to Anya and Ryland who were so immersed in their game they didn't even hear him. That is, until he stepped in front of the TV and they both ducked to look around him and complained. "Let's go, shoes on please." Clint used is authoritative voice so Anya and Ryland moaned but stopped their game and got off the couch.

Anya was dressed casually in shorts and a white lacy tunic so she decided to add a black vest, red Converse and some bracelets to dress-up a little. Ryland also wore a vest- a gray one- over jeans and a tee shirt that read 'my cape is in the wash', something Tony found hilarious. Of course Ryland was also wearing his all black Converse which lead Irina to pick out a pair of light blue Converse then make Clint wear his black ones. Natasha was the only one not wearing the brand since she was wearing a black/gray striped long shirt, skinny black jeans and combat boots. Anya and Irina of course looked a lot like their parents, but standing back and looking at them as a group, Ryland fit in perfectly. He could pass for a member of the family with ease- and not just because he helped Irina carry her ballet bag or because he kept pulling on Anya's ringlets to make them bounce.

"Seatbelts, please." Natasha called out as they all piled into an SUV. Anya and Ryland immediately scurried to the very back seat while Irina crawled into her carseat in the middle row she had all to herself. Natasha and Clint could hear Anya and Ryland giggling in the very back but didn't ask what the two were up to- sharing secrets and all.

They dropped Irina off at ballet and promised to be back in an hour to pick her up- and that they wouldn't have any fun at all while she was away. One of the other mom's at the studio promised to keep an on her during class so Natasha didn't feel so bad dropping her and bailing. Once Irina was at ballet they headed for the first store on Mickey's list. Macy's.

"Can we go to the toy section?" Anya asked almost as soon as they entered the doors. Natasha had to tell her no as they went to the front desk to get everything they'd need to register Steve and Mickey. It didn't take long at all but Anya was already bored. "Knock it off!" she snapped at Ryland who kept pulling on her ringlets.

"I like the way they bounce." he replied as he lightly tugged on one that immediately sprung back into it's shape.

"Well you're irritating me, so knock it off." Anya retorted as she swatted his hand away.

"No," Ryland started, already getting antagonistic. "If I was irritating you I'd be doing this..." Ryland started making ridiculous faces and noises at her, getting within mileometers of touching her but never actually touching her. "This is irritating."

"Yes it is!" Anya returned as she moved away from him. "So knock it off! Stop touching me!"

"I'm not touching you! I'm just irritating you!" Ryland answered as he continued to dance around her, not once actually touching her. He carried on a minute more before Anya got so irritated she went to swat at him.

"Hey," Clint interjected, placing an arm between them. "Quite down, guys, you're making a spectacle of yourselves."

Anya stopped to look up at her dad with a curious expression. "Isn't that glasses?" she asked and Clint paused.

"Spectacles are glasses, yes. But making a spectacle is different."

"How?"

Clint paused again, thinking hard for a minute before finally saying, "It doesn't matter, you're being rude so be quite." and tucking her into his side where Rylnad couldn't reach her. Still the boy stuck his tongue out at Anya who returned the gesture and soon enough they were giggling and no longer fighting.

"All set," Natasha said a minute later, turning towards the trio behind her. She gave Clint a price gun and directed them towards the home goods section of the store to start the registry. They were both somewhat clueless so they just started off scanning all the things they needed when they got married. Pots, pans, dishes, vases, silverware, all the crap a home needs that no one really thinks of until they don't have them.

"Tasha, I'm bored." Ryland grumbled after fifteen minutes in the store. The two kids were following Clint and Natasha around, getting along surprisingly well, but bored out of their minds; so Natasha looked around the store to find a place for the kids to sit and play a game or at least rest a bit while Clint and Natasha finished.

"Why don't you both go sit over there and play a game like I-Spy or Would You Rather." Natasha suggested, pointing to a red couch across the way.

It wasn't the most fun idea but it's all they had so Anya and Ryland went along with it. They scurried away, starting their game with Anya asking, "Would you rather be blind or def?" Natasha couldn't hear Ryland's response but she was certainly curious because, by the looks of it, Ryland said def. She wished she knew why because he went on a drawn-out explanation for his answer which made Anya smile a sort of flattered expression.

It wasn't but a minute later that Clint started moaning. "Can I join them?" Clint asked in a whiny voice as he threw his head down on Natasha's shoulder. "This is boring."

Natasha chuckled as she ran her fingers through his short hair. She had to agree, it was absolutely mind-numbingly boring. So she cocked an eyebrow and said, "You wanna find the ugliest things in the store and register Steve and Mickey for them?"


	6. Bewitched

Author's Note: Very, very short, but very, very Aceland ;)

www. youtube watch?v=Q9uGwaREp_0

* * *

_This One Time...Ryland sang Anya to sleep._

* * *

After Anya was born Clint was very selective when it came to missions. He didn't take any that seemed unnecessarily dangerous or would take way to long. Some times he didn't have a choice but if the opportunity arose he always took the weekend mission in Canada versus a three week stint in Guantanamo Bay. The longer the mission the harder it was to adjust both when he was gone and when he got back. Being away, the first few days he kept watching children's programs that Anya liked and listening to the songs they played for her, he even sneaked a teddy bear into one of his bags so he could could sit it on his nightstand as a reminder of what was waiting at home for him. Then when he did get home it was sometimes difficult to snap out of mission mode. He'd be on high alert for a few days and once he even forgot how to put on a diaper though Natasha had a feeling he was faking just to get out of the task.

The first mission he went on was a weekend mission that went flawlessly well. However being home alone with Anya was worse than horrible for Natasha. The little girl cried and cried and cried every single night and every single morning when she woke up. She was so used to seeing her Daddy's face when she went to sleep and woke up that his absence scared her. No matter what Natasha did she couldn't get Anya to calm down. A few times a night Anya would wake up crying and Natasha would stay up almost all night trying to console her.

Then the next mission came around and Ryland discovered a secret way to calm the baby. He didn't tell anyone cause he didn't want them to know. It was his little secret just between him and Anya. Their thing.

So after Natasha laid Anya down in her crib and turned her back on the nursery door Ryland sneaked inside. Anya had long since stopped crying but she wouldn't fall asleep if just because she was too worked up. She was just sniffling and making pathetic little noises from inside her crib, cuddling a stuffed animal close to her chest as a source of comfort.

Ryland was usually really good about sneaking around but this one time Natasha heard the floor creak as Ryland entered Anya's nursery so she went to investigate. Considering Ryland was barely three years old she was scared he'd work up Anya even more than she already was so she wanted him not to go near her; but when Natasha eased open the door enough to poke her head inside she was confronted by something very different.

Ryland had dragged a stool over to Anya's crib and was hanging over the guard, his arms dangling into the crib so he could hold Anya's hand. "Hey, Ace." he said softly and Natasha cocked her head to the side. "Can I call you that? I thought of it today and thought it fitted you well. Cause Daddy was teaching me bout cards and games and he says the ace is the most importantist card. So I thought it fitted you cause you're the most importantist too."

Anya turned her big blue eyes to Ryland, looking up at him curiously. She was only a few months old so she wasn't getting most of what he said but Ryland kept talking anyway and it was working to calm her down. She stopped sniffling and after a few minutes she even reached out to touch Ryland's face when he started to smile at her. She liked his dimples, they confused her and fascinated her so she just kept her little hand there on his cheek while he talked.

"Uncle Steve teached me a song today, Ace. Can I sing it to you?" Ryland asked softly, looking down at Anya who just stared back up at him. Ryland took that as a yes, saying, "K I'm gonna sing it then, k? K. It goes like this..."

Ryland sucked in a deep breath before resting his chin against the railing and lightly singing, "_She's a fool and don't I know it? But a fool can have her charms. I'm in love and don't I show it? Like a baby in arms. Love's the same old sad sensation. Lately, I've not slept a wink; since this half-pint imitation put me on the blink_."

Anya quieted down immediately, listening to the words softly float down to her from Ryland's lips. His voice was soft and childish but somehow fit the song just perfectly and even though it wasn't very melodic, it was somehow beautiful.

"_I'm wild again, beguiled again, a simpering, whimpering child again. Bewitched, bothered and bewildered am I? Couldn't sleep, wouldn't sleep; love came and told me I shouldn't sleep. Bewitched, bothered and bewildered am I? Lost my heart, but what of it? She is cold, I agree. She can laugh, but I love it; although the laugh's on me._"

Anya's eyes were trained on him the whole time even as she started getting sleepier and sleepier. Her hand still on his cheek, Anya started drifting in and out of sleep as Ryland finished off the song singing, "_I'll sing to her, bring spring to her, and long for the day when I'll cling to her. Bewitched, bothered and bewildered am I?_" He was slightly off pitch but it was the perfect finish if just because Anya was fast asleep. But Ryland stood there a few minutes longer just watching the baby rest, making Natasha wonder just what he was thinking of.

But instead of asking she backed out of the room slowly and when Ryland exited a minute later she pretended she hadn't seen a thing. "Oh I didn't see you there, Rye." she mumbled as she passed him in the hallway. "I was just going to try rocking Anya to sleep."

"Don't have to," Ryland said lazily. "she's asleep, I checked."

"So soon? Usually it takes so much longer than that." Natasha replied, playing along very convincingly. Ryland just shrugged like he knew absolutely nothing. He went to leave the apartment but before he left Natasha asked, "Shouldn't you be asleep yourself?"

Ryland juts paused with his hand on the door before turning with a small smile and saying, "Love came and told me I shouldn't sleep."


	7. Take Me Out To The Ball Game

Author's Note: In honor of the 4th of July (Steve's birthday) here's a fluffy Steve centric fic just a day late ;)

* * *

_This one time Steve lent a helping hand..._

* * *

Steve rarely came up with ideas for family outings but as May gave way to June Steve got a hankering for a live baseball game. So he set it up, asked who wanted to go, and gradually got more and more excited as game day grew nearer. "It doesn't get any more American than this." Mickey teased as she watched Steve get ready for the game. They got tickets for the Mets vs. Yankees game at Citi Field. Originally it was just going to be the two of them but then Ryland said he wanted to join. Tony and Pepper weren't exactly baseball fans though so they decided to send Ryland and stay home. Then Thor mentioned he wanted to witness firsthand the Midgardian game. But with Dahlia still only a baby Jane had to stay home. Then lastly Clint decided to join, saying Anya should see her first baseball game, but everyone suspected his real reason was to get away from a grouchy pregnant Natasha.

So they bought all the tickets online for the first row behind home plate. Despite being named after Mickey Mantle, Mickey was a diehard Mets fan. She had jerseys, tee shirts, baseball caps and even some jewelry all with the Mets' logo. So she brought a bunch of her stuff over for the guys to fish through and wear (whatever would fit them) which for Steve was a black Mets jersey and a traditional blue Mets baseball cap along with his sneakers and chino shorts. Mickey was decked out as well in a Mets v-neck, a baseball cap, shorts, sneakers and even a Mets watch. She'd given Thor a shirt as well- the biggest she could find- and a hat to Clint to wear but she didn't have anything small enough for Anya or Ryland.

However when she got down to the lobby where Ryland was waiting, he looked like a regular baseball player in jeans, sneakers and a blue/white quarter-sleeve baseball tee. "Excited to go to your first game?" Steve asked as they sat on one of the big leather couches in the lounge area. Ryland watched games with Mickey and Steve every now and then but he'd never actually gone to a game before. Steve figured he should at least attend a game before deciding if he was going to join the local little league team when that started up.

"Really super excited!" Ryland replied, his big brown eyes full of exhilaration.

The elevator dinged a second later and Clint and Thor stepped out with Anya on their heels. Thor and Clint were both in jeans and the Mets items Mickey gave them and Anya looked adorable between them in little denim shorts and a frilled black tank top along with her sneakers. Clint was carrying a hoodie for her since she had a tendency to get cold.

"All set?" Mickey asked as they headed to the garage. They couldn't all fit in a cab and they didn't want to risk the subway or the LIRR so they piled into an SUV and headed to the stadium. On the way Mickey and Steve took turns explaining the basics of the game to Ryland and Thor. It made a little bit of sense to Ryland but Thor was lost.

When they arrived at the stadium they parked in Lot D where most of the old Shea Stadium once stood. Having been to her fair share of games, Mickey showed them the markers on the ground that indicated where the pitchers mound, home plate and the bases once rested. Ryland was amazed by how much Mickey knew about the old stadium as well as the new one and when she said she practically grew up at Shea, Ryland's jaw almost hit the ground.

"Who taught you about baseball, Mickey?" Ryland asked as they walked to the stadium holding hands.

"My grandpa taught me everything I know about baseball- and most other things too." Mickey explained. "I spent almost all of my free time with him and during baseball season we went to every home game, every Cyclone game on Cony Island and even a few Yankee games when the Mets played. I was maybe Anya's age when we first started going. It was our little tradition."

Ryland looked up at her with a smile, saying, "Thank you for taking me too." with surprising sincerity. Mickey just smiled and told him there was no one else she'd rather be with.

Getting into the stadium took some time since they each had to go through the turn-stiles and security had to check Clint and Mickey's bags. Anya was exactly thirty-two inches tall so they didn't need to buy her a ticket; she'd spend the whole game switching between everyone's laps anyway. So when they were finally through security they headed to their seats.

"We'll hit the shops in a little bit." Steve said as they headed down to their row. "Let things settle a bit before braving the crowds."

Steve and Mickey sat together with Ryland next to Mickey, Clint next to him with Anya in his lap and Thor to his right. A few people around recognized Thor but no one said anything or made a fuss so they remained undisturbed for the beginning of the game. Everyone took turns explaining the game to Ryland and Thor and teaching Anya when to clap. She was doing extremely well for a two-year-old at a baseball game. Looking around, there were kids almost twice her age acting much worse. For the most part she just sat in Clint's lap playing with Shchenok and her imagination.

By the end of the second inning though she turned around in Clint's lap and asked, "Daddy, I'm hungwy." So Clint asked if anyone wanted something from concessions or to tag along but everyone was too invested in the game so Clint and Anya went by themselves.

"Alright, Ace," Clint mumbled as he hoisted Anya into his arms and headed for concessions. "What do you want?"

Anya shrugged, almost dropping Shchenok in the process but managing to catch him. "Wut's ther?"

"Well..." Clint started walking and naming off a few items from each menu. French fries, pizza, hamburgers, hot dogs, ice cream, even sushi. Anya was looking more and more overwhelmed by her choices so Clint chuckled and chose for her. "How about some fries and a soda? Then in an inning or two we'll get some real food. Sound good?"

Anya bobbed her head up and down, saying, "Good." and shooting him a thumbs-up. They got in line for french fries and drinks, watching the game on the TV by the register. Anya wanted down after a minute and at first Clint refused seeing as there were so many people around but she just kept squirming until he finally set her down. But he knelt before her to say, "You _have_ to stick close to me, okay? It's very, very crowded here and you're very, very easy to lose. So stay next to me, alright?" seriously enough to make Anya nod. Surprisingly enough she listened and stuck close by Clint for the whole time he waited in line, ordered their food and waited for it to be handed back to him. At one point though she wondered far enough way to lose sight of him for a minute and that freaked her out. She pun in three circles, looking like a lost puppy, scrambling to find her Daddy again but she was too short to see Clint through the hoards of people.

"Little Bird!" Clint called calmly, watching her frantically search for him. Even if she lost sight of him, Clint would never lose sight of her. It broke his heart the way her lower lip started to tremble but he knew she was okay so he just waited for her to find him again hoping it'd teach her to stay close when he said to.

Anya turned when she heard her nickname, still not seeing him for a minute in the crowd. But then she finally saw him and shrieked, "Daddy!" and ran right at him. Clint chuckled as she latched onto his leg and clung to him.

"See how easy it is to get lost?" Clint said with a chuckle as he picked her up. She nodded into his shoulder where she buried her face. After getting their food and drinks, they headed back to their seats but Anya didn't want put down so Clint carried her but dropped her into Thor's lap when they sat back down. She was okay being there, munching on french fries and leaning against Thor's chest.

"Are you following any of this at all?" Thor whispered to her as they sat together a few innings into the game. Anya just shook her head and shrugged. "Me neither." he chuckled.

Everyone took turns going to get food and walking around with the kids throughout the game. After the seventh inning stretch Steve went to the gift shop to look around and maybe get Anya and Ryland hats since Mickey didn't have any for them. He wound up finding a shirt for Ryland and a bracelet for Anya and when he was headed back to the seats he stopped at an ice cream stand. The ice cream came in a little hard Mets hat so Steve got one but dumped out the ice cream so he could give it to Shchenok. He was on his way back to the seats when he felt something pull on the bottom of his pants. When he turned he saw a little boy beside him, looking up with big green eyes.

"Excuse me," he murmured in a cute soft voice. "you're Captain America?" The little boy was wearing a Mets shirt but had on Captain America sneakers on so Steve wasn't all that surprised the boy recognized him even in plain clothes. "Are you sorta like a cop?"

"Umm...I guess so." Steve mumbled as he knelt down to the boy's level.

"My mommy told him I should go to a cop if I need help."

"Well maybe I can help. What do you need help with?" Steve replied. The boy didn't look hurt or ill but Steve thought he might be lost. But then the little boy stuck his foot out to Steve the way Anya did when she put on her shoes.

"Can you tie my shoe?" the little boy asked innocently. Steve chuckled and bent down to tie his little shoes, double knotting them so he wouldn't have any problems again.

"There," Steve said once he was done. "All better."

The little boy smiled at Steve and thanked him before running off. For a minute Steve thought he should've made the boy bring him to his parents to make sure he wasn't lost but by the time the thought occurred to him the boy was long gone. So Steve just picked up his gift bag and kept walking with a smile on his face.

When he got back he gave the kids the things he bought and they loved them. Anya immediately put the little hard hat on Shchenok and the bracelet on her little wrist. Ryland just put his new Mets shirt over his other shirt and gave Steve a big hug. "Thanks, Steve!" they both cheered and gave him hugs and kisses. Mickey was all smiles as she held onto his hand the rest of the game.

"The team we are cheering for has won, did they not?" Thor asked after the game ended. Mickey laughed and told him, yes, the Mets finally won so Thor cheered along with everyone else. At that point Anya had already fallen asleep on Clint's shoulder, everyone's cheers only irritating her and not waking her up. She just sort of grumbled and turned her face into the crook of his neck and covered her ears; but Ryland was getting sleepy too so they headed for the parking lot along with everyone else.

"Uncle Steve," Ryland mumbled as they made it out of the park. "Thanks for taking me to my first baseball game." The end of his sentence got cutoff by a yawn so Steve just smiled and picked the boy up, carrying him the rest of the way to the car.

"Will that ever not be completely adorable?" Mickey wondered aloud as she watched Ryland just melt into Steve's arms, yawning once more before his eyes slid shut and his body went limp.

"What can I say?" Steve replied with an easy smile. "Kids love me."


	8. NACHO

Author's Note: Because we all need drunk Natasha in our lives ;)

* * *

_"This one time...Natasha got so drunk!" Clint started his story..._

* * *

After a particularly long day, Natasha just needed to unwind a bit. So she had a few glasses of wine at dinner and a little more than a little Russian vodka afterward. She hadn't intended to get so drunk but when she found a bottle of Jäger in the back of the liqueur cabinet and a case of Red Bull in the fridge she couldn't resist the urge to turn a fun night into a great night. Clint warned her that she was already getting tipsy and if she started with shots she wouldn't stop. But Natasha Romanoff is a force to be reckoned with as is. Drunk Natasha Romanoff is even worse. So Clint stepped back with a cheeky grin and watched her pour them both Jägerbombs. They threw those back with ease and so she poured another. And another. And another. And soon enough she was swaying on her feet and giggling uncontrollably. And Clint was just drunk enough to find her hilarious.

Their giggles could be heard all throughout the apartment and even down the hall, but even at three in the morning, no one complained. Anya was at a friend's and Irina was sleeping upstairs in the giant fort Tony built in the communal living room. So they laughed freely as Natasha stumbled about the kitchen.

"What are you doing?" Clint asked as she started riffling through the cabinets. Normally Natasha could take him drink-for-drink any day but he had the sneaking suspicion that she'd already had a bit to drink even before dinner. He'd only ever seen her drunk once before and it was one of the best nights of his life, so he was taking in every second and trying desperately to remember it later.

"Your glass is low," she said, pointing to the wine glass sitting on the counter beside Clint. "We need more wine."

Clint chuckled a little, walking over and guiding her away from the cabinet. "The last thing you need is more wine." He guided her to the island where she sat down sideways, letting her head fall to the counter as she giggled a bit. "In fact I think it's about time you head to be..."

"Clint I wanna tell you a joke." she said seriously, looking up at him with foggy green eyes. Clint had to withhold a chuckle as he watched her sway a little, lazily supporting her head in one hand. "Are you ready to hear my joke?"

Clint coughed to cover his chuckle. "Sure, let's hear it."

Natasha sucked in a deep breath as if she were preparing a speech before saying, "Okay...so there's these two tortilla chips, right? And they're...friends. They...go to school together. And one day they were playing on the playground. And the one chip says...'hey'...'you're not being fair'...'we're friends'...'why aren't you playing fair?' So the other chip says...'I don't think you know me.' And then the first chip is like...'c'mon...let's just _taco_ bout it'!" Natasha burst into a fit of giggles, covering her face in both her hands. "But the other chip is like...'no'...'I'm _nacho_ fri-friend'!" Natasha was giggling so hard she actually snorted and damn if it weren't the cutest thing Clint had ever seen. "No! I'm _nacho_ friend!" Natasha said again for added affect, laughing so hard she could barely breathe. "And that's it."

Clint was doubled over on the counter laughing too hard to stand upright and Natasha almost fell off her chair she was laughing so hard. And even though the joke wasn't even all that funny at all, they thought it was the most hilarious thing ever. So Natasha told him the same exact joke again, and they still laughed just as hard as the first time.

"I have to tell that joke to Tony, Tony will love that joke." Natasha said through giggles as her high started to crash. Suddenly she was just so tired she could collapse. And she really had to pee. She reached for her cell phone but Clint managed to get it away from her before she did something she'd never live down.

"C'mon, Nacho, I think we need sleep." Clint said as he grabbed her by the waist and walked her back to the bedroom.

Natasha continued to laugh as she said, "I'm Nacho!" loudly. When they finally got to the bedroom he managed to get her under the covers before crashing down beside her. Luckily most of their clothes had come off even before the Jäger shots so all he had to do was roll under the covers and they were ready for bed. So that's exactly what he did, rolling until he was under the covers and Natasha was cuddled up beside him still giggling.

But right before he fell asleep Natasha suddenly grabbed his face and made him look her in the eye. With the most serious expression and tone, Natasha said, "Don't you ever tell anyone how drunk I am."


	9. The Hammer

Author's Note: Set before any of the kids were even born. We got drunk Tasha so how about drunk Pepper?

* * *

_This One Time...Natasha and Pepper did shots of Russian vodka._

* * *

Boys night existed long before the team even moved into the tower. They weren't as frequent then but the boys were always tight. They'd go out drinking, hit the range or whatever else they felt like doing while bonding over their own idiocy. And before the kids came around Natasha even joined them once- but quickly decided _never again_. So she usually just found other things to do while the rest of the team went gallivanting around town. She'd go to the gym or go for a walk and a few times went out with Hill but that wasn't so much fun.

Then one night she remembered she had another team member living in the tower who didn't get to join Tony's super secret boy band date nights. So Natasha took the tower elevator up to the communal level where she found Pepper in the living room working on some stuff on three tablets. Why three, Natasha would never know.

"Whatcha up to?" Natasha asked as she joined Tony's wife on the couch. To be honest they hadn't had very many 'bonding' experiences yet living together. Maybe because Natasha sucked at girl-talk or maybe because Pepper always seemed to be busy. Either way the girls were acquaintances and barely anything more.

"Finishing up some Stark Industries crap. Tony always leaves a pile leftover when he goes out with the boys so I finish it for him." Pepper replied as she finished using one tablet and switched to another. Natasha got to watch Tony and Pepper fall in love- knowing them before they even started dating- and she admired their relationship. To the naked eye it sometimes seemed unbalanced- swaying either in or out of Pepper's favor- but in reality they were the perfect pair. They cleaned up each others messes, made a few for each other and at the end of the day always went to bed smiling. It was rare to find two people that complimented each other so well.

Then again who was Natasha to talk, having found her better half in her fiance Clint?

"Are you almost finished?" Natasha asked as she watched Pepper type faster than she thought possible.

"Pretty much, yeah. What's up?" Pepper replied as she powered down the second tablet and picked up the third. Working on a weekend wasn't ideal but Pepper really didn't have anything else to do. She could've made plans but didn't really want to- if just because she was perfectly comfortable in sweats.

"Oh I'm just sort of bored." Natasha said, chuckling at how much she sounded like a lonely child. "I never realize how much time I spend with Clint- and the whole team- until they're gone."

"I know what you mean." Pepper replied with a smile. "Whenever the guys are gone I'm reminded of the fact I don't really have any friends at all."

Natasha chuckled even as she agreed. "Well hey, we're friends." she offered with a smile. Pepper's returning smile was wider than Natasha expected. "Wait here," she said all of a sudden before scurrying out into the kitchen while Pepper finished powering down the last tablet. There was something of a ruckus from the kitchen but Pepper dare not ask, just waited patiently for Natasha's return.

"Oh no..." Pepper muttered when Natasha entered the living room with shot glasses and a bottle of Russian vodka.

"Oh yes!" Natasha immediately replied as she hopped the back of the couch and sat the items on the coffee table, replacing Pepper's work with Natasha's play.

"Natasha, I cannot drink that stuff."

"It's really not that bad, Pep, I promise." Natasha swore as she poured two shots with a giddy smile. She thrust one in Pepper's hand before she even had a chance to respond.

"Of course you'd say that!" Pepper insisted, watching the liquid slosh about the glass. "Vodka is served like water in Russia, you've probably built up an immunity by now. I on the other hand start feeling lightheaded after two martinis!"

Natasha resisted the urge to chuckle at how nervous Pepper seemed. Instead of laughing though she set aside the shots and grabbed Pepper's shoulders. "Let loose, Pepper I promise this is going to be fun. And yeah sure I'm much more accustomed to Russian liqueur than you, but I promise I won't let anything bad happen tonight. It's just you and me, Pep. So what do you say...?"

Pepper's eyes darted back and forth between Natasha and the shot glasses on the coffee table. Back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back again her eyes went. She was almost making Natasha dizzy. But then, against her better judgment, Pepper picked up her shot, clinked glasses with Natasha then threw it back.

"Oh that wasn't so horrid." she mused excitedly as she felt the liquid trickle down her throat and fill her with a unique sensation she wasn't accustomed to but not averse to either. So Natasha grabbed the bottle and poured another round before clinking glasses and throwing back the vodka like water.

"You're practically a regular ol' Russian." Natasha complimented with a chuckle as Pepper smiled ear to ear. It was just a matter of time before Pepper was on her ass, stupid drunk, but in the meantime she was handling herself reasonably well. A little giddy, but for the most part pretty put together. But then 6 shots in and she started getting uber sloppy. Her sentences became one long word, her posture became that of a feral cat and suddenly every little thing was absolutely hilarious. Then by round 8 she relaxed into a position on the couch similar to sitting but also sort of like laying down and something else Natasha didn't even know how to describe. But round 10 was the best of all. Cause that's when Pepper started getting inappropriate.

It started off as a question directed at Natasha. "If you could sleep with any other Avenger besides Clint...who would it be?" Pepper had asked, her head against the couch but the rest of her body twisted up like a pretzel halfway on the floor. There was also a leg on the coffee table but Natasha didn't understand how Pepper got it up there.

"Definitely Thor." Natasha replied surprisingly fast. A beat of silence hung in the air just long enough for Pepper to agree.

"_The hammer_!" she and Natasha said at the same time with a sort of dreamy tone. Then they started giggling and got sidetracked for a moment, but Natasha didn't miss her opportunity to shoot the question back at Pepper.

"Thor too I suppose." Pepper replied solemnly, thinking her answer through very seriously.

"Do you actually want to say Clint but are afraid I'll punch you?" Natasha asked knowingly, shooting her new best friend a look.

"Would you?"

"Yes."

"Then no."

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The guys _really_ weren't expecting to find Pepper and Natasha laying on the kitchen floor when they got back from their boys night. It was so late they just assumed the girls were in bed but when they got to the communal level of the tower the sight before them was...special.

Both women were leaning heavily against the counters, both sitting on the floor with not one, not two, but three bottles of Russian vodka surrounding them. Two of the bottles were bone dry and Natasha was polishing off the third when the guys entered the room and froze.

"I believe the women are intoxicated." Thor mumbled under his breath, pointing out the obvious and earning a look from Tony who, instead of correcting Thor went to his wife. She was mumbling but he wasn't sure what exactly she was trying to say but it sort of sounded dirty so he was glad she was quiet.

"Shit, Natasha, what did you give her?" Tony grumbled as he tried hoisting Pepper to her feet. She was wobbly to say the least but managed to stand up with Tony's help.

"Russian vodka, my friend." Natasha stammered through vodka laden breath. She stood up on her own but swayed a little so Clint positioned himself behind her just in case her legs decided they didn't want to support her anymore. "And I'll tell you the truth...she took it like a true Russian. At least in the beginning."

"Yeah well now she's out cold." Tony retorted just as Pepper slipped from his hands and clattered to the kitchen floor in an unconscious pile of strawberry blond hair and limbs. Tony immediately cursed under his breath and scrambled to pick her up again with Bruce's help.

"Oh no! Man down! Man down!" Natasha yelped, reaching grandly to Pepper even as she chuckled a little. Her hand connected with a water bottle instead of Pepper and she stared down at it with a confused expression.

"Drink, Tasha, it'll help you feel better." Clint instructed softly, untwisting the cap for her as he watched Tony and Bruce out of the corner of his eye.

"For your information, Barton, I feel just fine." Natasha retorted, grabbing Clint's chin. He really wanted to laugh as well as sigh but instead held the water bottle close to her lips so she'd take a sip. That's all it took for her to realize she wanted the water so then she chugged the rest and Clint was able to hand her another.

"Get her to bed," Bruce commented as he tossed one of Pepper's arms over his shoulders. "We'll get Pepper to bed."

"Good luck," Clint shot back as he watched the two struggle to move Pepper's dead weight body. Natasha was no easier though so Bruce shot the same sentiment back at him as they went for the elevator and dragged Pepper inside.

"Do me a favor, buddy?" Tony asked as he leaned over and pressed the button for his and Pepper's level. Bruce looked over at his friend with curious eyes but Tony couldn't look back. "I appreciate the help but if you wouldn't mind forgetting tonight after the fact...that'd be nice. Pep really wouldn't be happy knowing you saw her like this."

"It's alright," Bruce replied easily as the elevator stopped at the Stark's level and they continued dragging Pepper inside. "I think no less of her after tonight but I won't bring it up or even remember it after I go to sleep."

Tony's smile was enough of a thank you as they deposited Pepper onto the bed. Bruce suggested trying to get her to drink a bit like Clint got Natasha to. It would be hard but it'd make the hangover better in the morning so Tony took his friend's advice and filled three cups of water and sat them on the nightstand as Bruce excused himself.

"Pep, you really should drink at least one." Tony told her seriously, handing her the cup. She stared at it for a few minutes with a really disgusted look. So he tried a different approach. "Do another shot, Pep!" he chanted and she immediately threw back the water like Natasha taught her how to throw back shots of vodka. Tony felt like a terrible person afterward but also felt like cracking up laughing.

"Alright, lay down now and try to get some sleep." Tony said softly after Pepper drained all three glasses of water. He helped her lay down and tucked her in before stripping away his suit and laying down beside her, giving her the space she needed in bed just in case she hurled.

"Tony?" she mumbled after three minutes of silence.

"Yeah, Pep?"

Three more minutes of silence passed before Pepper said, "I'm dying." in the most absurdly serious tone of voice Tony had ever heard. He made a little snorting sound when he tried holding in his chuckle. "It's not funny!" Pepper insisted, only making it harder for Tony to keep a straight face. "I'm really dying, Tony!"

"I'm sorry, honey, but it'll be okay." Tony promised as he tried so desperately not to laugh at her.

"Can you fix it? Can you make me not die?" Pepper asked like a small child and that was Tony's breaking point. He literally had to roll over in bed and bury his face in the pillow to keep Pepper from seeing him laugh so hard.

"Yeah, Pep, I'll fix it in the morning, now get some sleep." Tony managed to get out before covering up another chuckle but when he turned over again in bed Pepper was already fast asleep.


	10. Paparazzi

Author's Note: Sorry I've been MIA lately, guys. I still want to upload more One Time one-shots and get to the one-shot sequel to Linchpin but I've just been hell crazy insanely busy and blaaah. I want to get to it though! So bear with me please :)

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_This One Time Ryland just didn't want the paparazzi around..._

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Paparazzi was always an issue for the Avengers ever since _New York_ but especially Tony. Considering he was already a well known and well photographed star before he became a superhero the price tag for a photo of him went up by an absurd amount. Then when Ryland came around the ante went up even more. If a paparazzi was able to get a photo of the little family it was sure to make him a lot richer; and they were willing to do just about anything for that photo/money. They followed the family around the city, photographed everything they did and more often than not waited outside the tower for hours just waiting for someone to exit in anything but a tinted SUV.

There was a set of rules or guidelines that the paparazzi followed for the most part when it came to Ryland. He hated the flashes because they hurt his eyes and he couldn't see when there were over two dozen men with cameras all taking rapid-fire photos with dedicated flashes anywhere from 400 to 600 watts. So, if at all possible, the paparazzi didn't use their flashes. Of course there was always one idiot who didn't get the memo and at night they needed the flash in order to get their thousand dollar photos but when they stalked Ryland outside of Macy's in the afternoon, the flash was almost always left in the camera bag.

They never shouted either. It was bad enough they were there, no one needed them screaming at each other or at their subjects. So the unspoken rule was to keep it low or else Happy would step in. Of course the paparazzi would still ask questions or try to talk to Ryland and his parents whenever they got close enough but that didn't mean anyone had to respond. There was nothing they could do when it came to red carpets wherein every single photographer screamed at anyone they wanted a photo of; but they managed to keep their musings to a dull roar when they were just following the Stark's around the city.

The biggest rule, though, was to never, ever touch Ryland. Hell, Happy didn't even like it when they got close. If a paparazzi touched Ryland, even by accident, Happy was there in a second to break it up. It wasn't even that Ryland didn't want to be touched, it was just a personal line paparazzi shouldn't cross. And for the most part they didn't. But again, there was always one idiot. The only time the contact was welcome was when Ryland and Tony were headed to Broadway for a show and Ryland accidentally dropped his stuffed penguin. He was only three years old and the blue plush penguin was his best friend however in the commotion and chaos he didn't realize the bird's flipper slipped from his grasp. A paparazzi behind him picked it up and tried to return it to Ryland but Tony wasn't paying attention.

"Daddy!" Ryland yelped, reaching backwards for the stuffed animal the paparazzi tried to hand to him. But Tony was walking too fast and Happy stepped in the way of Ryland and the paparazzi. "Daddy! Happy, no! Watson!" Tony finally turned to see what Ryland was badgering him about just as Happy blocked his view of the paparazzi.

"What, Rye?" Tony asked over the sound of the camera flashes and chaos. It was really loud outside the theater but Tony was carrying Ryland so their faces were close enough to be heard.

"He's got Watson! He's got Watson!" Ryland replied frantically, trying to reach around Tony for the precious penguin. When Tony finally connected the dots and figured out what the problem was he signaled for Happy to let the paparazzi through which he begrudgingly did. The paparazzi immediately handed over the penguin to Happy who handed it to Ryland.

"Thank you!" Ryland managed to call out to the paparazzi as Tony quickly carried him into the theater. He even waved which made said photographer a good chunk of change. Usually Ryland covered his face when the paparazzi were around- if just cause of the flashes. If he had a stuffie or a blanket he'd hide his face in the fabric. He wore a lot of hoodies growing up too so that way he could toss up the hood and hide his face just a little. But his favorite way of avoiding the cameras was to bury his face in Tony's shoulder. As soon as they got close to paparazzi Ryland would ask to get picked up where he'd wrap himself around Tony like a monkey, hiding his face in Tony's neck. As he got older getting held got harder- especially for Pepper- but he still managed to keep away from the paparazzi. They even played a twisted version of hide-and-seek outside the tower when paparazzi were a street or two away still.

It wasn't until he was almost a teenager that he and Tony realized they could have some fun with the paparazzi. They did everything in their power to make the paparazzi's photos look as absurd as possible. Everything from skipping and making facial expressions to holding signs with quirky sayings in front of their faces. The team even got in on the antics, doing ridiculous things in front of the cameras when they were together.

Group shots of the Avengers were worth the most- bonus if the kids were there too- so they avoided doing menial things like shopping together too often. Tony and Natasha taking their kids to the park or Steve and Clint going out together were fine. They were even okay if three of four of them went out together at the same time; it was when all six of them hit the streets together that caused problems. Add onto that their wives and children and paparazzi went crazy.

It was fun though seeing the cover of every magazine be a photo of the group holding hands and skipping down the street or making silly faces at the paps.

The rest of the kids had it easier but still had to deal with paparazzi. They each had different reactions to the paparazzi throughout life. Anya really couldn't care less from the time it began to the time she was old enough to avoid them skillfully. Irina always liked the attention even when she didn't understand why it was focused on her but it wasn't until she got older that she realized what an image could do to or for someone. Dahlia absolutely hated it from the get go and would go out of her way to avoid them- so much so that she often refused to stay someplace if paparazzi were there. Kellen didn't like them either but less passionately and only dealt with them if necessary otherwise just held tight to Thor's hand and kept a neutral expression on his face. The twins had separate reactions too. Florence didn't like them but also didn't let them stand in her way. She'd push her way through a crowd if she had to and often times could be heard telling paparazzi to "move it" or "knock it off" when they were getting in the way. Charlotte however was her typically soft self and handled the paparazzi as such. Most of the time she just walked behind Steve or covered her face. Only when a paparazzi was being mean would she speak up or lash out but more often than not Steve was the one to push a camera down and tell a mean paparazzi he'd crossed a line.

The team also handled paparazzi in different ways. Tony was used to it and was usually pretty hammy for the cameras so long as Ryland or one of the other kids weren't there- cause according to him photographing the kids was low, disgusting and they were off limits. Pepper was also very used to the paparazzi. It took some time getting used to the cameras also being pointed at her- instead of just Tony- and if they went anywhere near Ryland she was liable to go postal, but when it came to her own photographs she just adapted a 'grin and bear it' attitude. Natasha hated the paparazzi with a Russian passion only she could posses but for the most part kept herself pretty cool when faced with them. She didn't grin and bear it, rather grimaced and rushed by, then whoever was with her got an earful when they were away from the cameras. And forget it if her girls were with her. She actually broke a paparazzi's camera once when he called Irina a little brat. Fury was pissed and it made headlines for two weeks but she didn't regret it at all- a Mama Bear thing. Clint was usually right there beside her- especially during that incident- to tell someone they went to far or to protect his girls. When the kids were little he'd tuck them in his jacket to cover them up and was usually the first to carry one of them instead of making them walk. Steve and Mickey were neutral so long as the paparazzi didn't get in the way or go near the girls but they were usually the ones who opted to stay inside most instead of going out and braving the crowds. Paparazzi was a concept so far beyond Thor's understanding and no one even tried explaining it to him- considering it was in fact an absurd thing to begin with. That ignorance lead to some interesting times but for the most part Thor just went about his life as if the cameras weren't even there. Jane was usually the same except for when she was pregnant. There was something about the pregnancy hormones that made her brutally honest which lead to her snapping at paparazzi on multiple occasions- each of which landed her on the cover of every tabloid. Bruce and Danni barely dealt with any paparazzi attention seeing as Bruce was the lease likely to recognized on the street. Of course they attracted some attention but they preferred to travel and be out of the city where paparazzi were few and far between. When they did deal with photographers they just held hands, pushed down their sunglasses and walked a bit faster.

Everyone at one point or another got aggressive with a paparazzi guy. Natasha's outbursts were most common but everyone got pushed too far at least once in a while. But everyone was really surprised when Ryland lashed out at the paparazzi the first time. He was eight-years-old and so far hadn't done anything but avoid the paparazzi. And on top of that he was a happy, gentle kid who never even hit- as most kids do. But on one day in particular he went to the park with Anya, Dahlia, Irina and Kellen and paparazzi were everywhere.

Clint and Jane were near the play set with the youngest kids, helping them out with the equipment they were still too young or small to use properly. Given Dahlia was four, Irina was three and Kellen was two they still needed a good bit of supervision at the park. However Ryland and a five-year-old Anya didn't need their family to watch over them all the time- or so they liked to think. They'd gone out just after lunch but neither Ryland nor Anya had anything to eat at home so they coerced Clint into giving them some change for the nearby pretzel stand.

"Come right back and be careful!" Clint said seriously as he handed Ryland the money. The two kids swore to be quick and cautious then ran for the pretzel cart full speed, making Clint shout for them to be even more careful and to slow down. Just in spite of him they stopped and finished their walk in slow-motion. But when they rounded the corner where the pretzel stand sat they found a few paparazzi left over from when the guys followed the group of Avengers to the playground.

Immediately sensing Ryland's despair, Anya grabbed his hand and pulled up the hood on his Avengers hoodie. "It's okay." she promised softly, her voice low enough that only Ryland could hear. That was the type of encouragement Ryland needed to ignore the paparazzi and walk over to the pretzel stand. It took a minute for anyone to realize who the two kids were but once they did, the cameras came out and the photos started.

"One pretzel please." Ryland said to the pretzel stand attendant, handing over the money Clint gave him, all the while he held fast to Anya's hand. Whenever Ryland was with his family he felt the urge to cover them up or protect them the way the adults did. So even though he hated the cameras most, he angled himself in front of Anya so she wouldn't be in all of the photos.

She was wearing a floral skirt with a pink polka-dot tank top and even though she had a cardigan on it didn't have a hood so she was pretty exposed. When they walked to the park Clint was giving her a piggyback ride so she was able to bury her face in his shoulder to avoid the cameras. But waiting for their pretzel, there was nothing to hide in. She'd left Shchenok at home too so she couldn't even cover her face with his fur.

"C'mon guys leave the kids alone." a passerby said disgustedly as he walked past, noting the five or so men taking a million pictures of just Anya and Ryland. It didn't make any sense at all and yet it was a multimillion dollar industry. "They're just trying to get some lunch."

"And I'm just trying to do my job." one of the paparazzi retorted as he continued to take pictures of the pretzel stand guy handing Anya the large pretzel. It was the slight commotion the passerby created that almost masked the other paparazzi tell Anya to fix her hair.

"It's in your eyes, sweetheart, why don't you pin it back for me?" the paparazzi asked, wanting the best photo possible. He was quiet about his comment but Ryland heard it clear as day and it made him uncomfortable.

Whenever paparazzi tried talking to the kids, one of the adults would tell them not to. So that's what Ryland did. "Hey, don't talk to her!" Ryland snapped loud enough for the paparazzi to hear. He went right into protection mode even though he really hated the paparazzi. All the guys around sort of gasped considering it was virtually the first time any of them heard Ryland speak- let alone yell.

"Just letting her know her hair is falling down." the paparazzi defended himself even as he switched his camera to video and started taping the event. He was right, Anya's pony tale was a mess of wild curls but it was inappropriate for anyone- especially a stranger- to point it out and for some reason Ryland just wanted them to know he wasn't to be trifled with.

Ryland held up the hand that wasn't holding Anya's and very sternly said, "Just don't talk to us, okay?" before walking in the opposite direction. When a different paparazzi made a comment about how rude Ryland was and how "he's got a bit more Stark in him after all" Ryland just couldn't resist the urge to turn and shout, "You jerks ruin everything! Go away! I hate you!" before running away with Anya.

Of course the paparazzi didn't in fact go away but they kept their distance. There was something cathartic about yelling at the paparazzi and afterward Ryland was able to forget they even existed for the rest of the afternoon. Anya was still a little shaken and uncomfortable having strangers talk to her though so she didn't want to play anymore. So she and Ryland sat under a nearby tree with their pretzel and an MP3 player. They had to sit really close together in order to share the headphones and listen to Ryland's favorite song. There were paparazzi a few feet away but even Ryland couldn't care as he nibbled on a pretzel and listened to John Lennon's _Love_ with Anya.


	11. Who Am I?

Author's Note: So I'm the worlds biggest idiot lol I COMPLETELY FORGOT about this story! It's been like two months since I updated and for that I'm really sorry. I'm not sure how I managed that but hopefully it won't happen again *fingers crossed* As an apology, take some Daddy!Clint feels :) Be sure to check out my Polyvore for a cute set from this chapter!

Enjoy!

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Clint might not have been the best nail painter or hair braider and he certainly wasn't the prettiest ballerina, but no one could doubt the love he had for his little girls; if just because he wasn't good at those things but tried his hardest anyway. He spent countless hours watching princess movies, playing dress up, getting his fingernails painted, attending ballet and gymnastics classes and slow dancing along with Beauty and The Beast. He let his girls put barrettes in his hair on a number of occasions and one time let them put a bit of make-up on him. He even went grocery shopping with pretty pink nails once by accident. When it came to Anya and Irina, there was absolutely nothing Clint wouldn't do, even at the cost of his dignity and self-respect.

If he had to get down on all fours and play horsey after a long day at the gym, he'd do it. If he had to drive out to the Hamptons at four in the morning because Anya got homesick while on vacation with friends, that's what he did. If he had to stay up all night making sure Irina didn't scratch when she got chicken pocks, he'd hold her even after she fell asleep. If he had to go down to the drugstore for famine products, he'd get a few chocolate bars and a tub of ice cream too.

It was hard to feel embarrassed by the things he did for his girls. For any other reason he'd flame red and kick himself in the ass, but for his girls it didn't matter. If it made life easier for them or made them happy he'd do anything proudly. He'd march right up to the saleslady with his cart of tampons and smile as if it was just a casual milk run.

But all that love didn't necessarily mean he knew what he was doing. Ninety percent of the time he had no clue what he was doing. He was barely getting by, just scraping along, and no one had died yet so that was something. A lot of times he referred back to Natasha when he was stuck cluelessly trying to entertain or comfort their girls. He wasn't really a natural when it came to parenting. He didn't know how to put on a duvet, he couldn't make a ponytail stay in place to save his life, his hands were too big for finger-painting and he didn't know how to work common hair clips. But he knew how to make his girls smile. And he knew how to make them feel loved.

So he held onto that, the things he could do, and forgot about the rest. He had Natasha to do the rest. She knew how to do the things he couldn't so he let her do that and focused on making silly faces and saying stupid things to make the girls giggle. Natasha would make sure everyone was fed and clean while Clint made sure they were happy and safe. Natasha gave the baths and Clint dried and dressed them every night. Natasha made the beds and Clint threw the girls in them and rolled them up in cocoons made of blankets. They were a team that complimented each other perfectly.

So when one side of the team had to leave, the system fell apart a little. Especially if it was Natasha's side that had to go. It was very rare but on occasion S.H.I.E.L.D. would call her in to consult or teach a course. Clint was fine taking care of the girls for a few hours a day but when Natasha left for more than a day, he panicked a little. Who was gonna feed them and make sure they're clean and who was going to keep everything organized and in check and who was going to remind Clint where he put his keys and who was going to calm Irina down when she threw a tantrum and who was going to get Anya to eat when she refused and who was going to run the house? Luckily Clint wasn't entirely alone, ever. He had the family to help and support him- particularly Pepper.

This one time when Anya was six and Irina was about four Natasha got called back to Russia for something akin to recruiting. S.H.I.E.L.D. wanted to extend the offer they gave Natasha to other girls stuck in Russia and what better way to convince them to defect than for Black Widow herself to go talk to them? They estimated she'd be gone almost five days but that she'd have access to a phone 24/7 if Clint needed to call for any reason. It was hard to tell who was less enthusiastic about the trip, Natasha or Clint, but it was necessary so they dealt with it.

For the whole week leading up to her trip Natasha went over all the things Clint would have to do without her. She'd do the laundry before she left so he wouldn't have to worry and Steve, Bruce and Thor already promised to cook at least two of their three meals every day. Despite having a three and five year old herself, Jane offered to babysit, as did almost everyone else. He had a team of superheros backing him up but Clint wanted to do as much as possible on his own. He wanted to prove to himself that he could do it.

Natasha left really early in the morning but Anya and Irina went along to the airport anyway. They slept the whole car ride to LaGuardia and back, only waking up long enough to walk- be carried, rather- to the tarmac where S.H.I.E.L.D. had a jet waiting.

"Lyublyu tebya, Mama. Be bezopasnoy, poka-poka." Anya said softly as she gave Natasha a hug and a kiss.

"Ya lyublyu tebya tozhe, Little Bird. Byt' khoroshim dlya daddy." Natasha replied as she hugged Anya a minute longer then turned to Irina who was half asleep in Clint's arm. "Vy tozhe, Malen'kaya Devochku." Natasha whispered to her youngest, kissing her head. Then finally she gave Clint a look that spoke louder than anything she could say. He just smiled back at her and they kissed for as long as Irina would let them before inserting a hand between their faces. Natasha chuckled, musing Irina's hair before bidding them all goodbye and heading onto the plane.

"Proshchaniye!" she called over her shoulder, blowing her little family a kiss before disappearing into the private jet. Clint stood there a minute longer with Anya clinging to his right leg and Irina on his left hip. For the next five days those two girls were his sole responsibility.

At first it was too much because he tried to do everything at once, tried slipping into Natasha's shoes right away. It took almost two days for him to realize he could never do what Natasha did. After that he relaxed a little and returned to being the same parent he was before, just with a few extra chores. It was harder than he'd ever imagined- even with the help of the family- but they were surviving. Every night when Natasha called home Anya promised she was taking care of Clint and Clint promised he was taking care of Anya. Truth be told they were taking care of each other.

Anya helped get Irina ready in the mornings after she was dressed herself and she helped clean up as much as she could and she tried not fighting so much. Her and Dahlia were going through a phase where every single conversation ended in an argument but they kept it quiet as not to stress out Clint too much. They ate almost every meal with the family in the communal dining room and Danni acted as chauffeur for gymnastics and ballet classes that always seemed to coincide. He even managed a day out in the city with just him and the girls.

They'd been cooked up in the tower only leaving for classes and to play outside that Clint figured a day out on the town would be a treat. It was their last full day before Natasha got home so he wanted to take advantage of having the girls all to himself. He'd really grown to like it- even if it was impossibly hard.

So the three of them got up early and had breakfast with the team. It was just starting to get warm out so when they all headed back to their level to get dressed Anya went with a skirt and a long-sleeve gray and purple shirt along with black boots and purple knee-high socks, and Irina went with a pink floral dress and black Mary Jane shoes. Clint figured they'd both complain about being cold at least once on their trip so he packed Anya's red Junior Gaultier coat and Irina's navy Marie Chantal coat in a backpack to pull out as needed. Anya offered to put Irina's hair in a ponytail (since Clint still couldn't get it to stay) while he went to throw on jeans and an over-dyed denim button up. He was still lacing up his boots when he popped his head through Irina's bedroom door and asked if the girls were ready.

"Ready!" they both yelled, jumping off Irina's bed where they sat to do their hair. Since Natasha wasn't around to make Anya's hair really pretty Clint used leave-in conditioner the way Nat showed him and let her wear her crazy curls with pride. Especially at six-years-old Anya didn't care that her hair was a bit of a mess, all she wanted was it out of her eyes and she was happy. So when he was gather things in his backpack (jackets, a pair of sneakers for Irina just in case, a few snacks, Anya's puppy Shchenok, Irina's elephant Slon, etc.) he stopped to grab a purple bow hair clip to stuff in his pocket.

He made a stop at the communal level where he handed the hair clip to Mickey with a sheepish grin. She chuckled and gestured for Anya to go sit in her lap so she could braid the curls out of Anya's eyes and clip them back. "Have fun you guys." she said when she was finished.

First stop was the American Museum of Natural History. It was Clint's favorite place to bring the girls because they could run around pretending to be explorers or archeologists for hours without getting bored. Taking them was really just an excuse to indulge his inner child but they loved it as much as he did. They spent almost all day in the museum running around like idiots.

Finally when they'd tired of exploring and hunger got the better of them they headed across the street to the Shake Shack for fries and Fifty/Fifty tea to go. They ate and drank as they walked through Central Park, talking between bites. Clint always made the girls hold hands or hold his hand whenever they were out in the city, just in case, so when their snack was finished he wound up carrying their drink in one hand and holding Anya's with the other- Anya's other hand occupied by Irina's.

As they walked through the park Anya started a game of What Am I? a game she always won because Irina never guessed right and Clint always let her win. Of course when it came to his turn though he made it as hard as possible for either girl to guess until they were practically screaming their forfeit. By the time they got across the park Anya was picking ridiculous items to be like the tires on taxicabs and leaves on trees just to try and stump her dad.

However the game was completely forgotten when the girls realized where they were headed next. Irina literally didn't stop screaming and pulling Clint down 3rd Ave until they reached the doors to Dylan's Candy Bar. Grown-ups loved the 3 level candy store but nothing could compare to the enthusiasm Clint's girls put forth as soon as they made it through the doors. They each started pulling him in so many different directions he thought his arms were going to pop off and everything they saw they absolutely "needed". Clint limited them to three items each but it took them almost an hour to decide what to get. By the time they got out of the store it was dark outside so they rushed over to Serendipity for dinner before it was too late.

There were very few instances when Clint exploited his fame, one of those instances was getting right-away seating at Serendipity. Him and the girls waited in line a maximum of five minutes before the manager came out and whispered for Clint to follow him to a table so he did so without complaint even though he felt a little bad for the others in line before and after him. Seeing Anya's face light up as she looked over the menu made him feel better though and soon enough they put their orders in and were back to playing Who Am I?

"I'm big and strong." Irina described with a cheeky grin. "But I'm soft and cuddly too."

That one made Clint pause for a second before asking, "Ranger?" in reference to Danni's German Shepherd.

"Nope!" Irina declared triumphantly before continuing her description. "I'm really smart and I'm really funny." Clint still wasn't getting it so Irina kept giving him clues. "I'm super tall and muscly and I give the best hugs."

"Steve?" Clint asked, feeling a little weird for knowing Steve gave great hugs.

Irina and Anya giggled but Irina shook her head no. Before Irina could continue with her clues Anya tugged on her shirt to ask whom Irina was describing so the girls leaned their heads close together and Irina whispered what she was describing. Whatever it was couldn't be heard over the sound of the restaurant but it made Anya giggle excitedly. Their food arrived before either could give a new clue so the game paused while they ate. The three of them shared the chicken pot-pie for dinner and split frozen hot chocolates and "can't say no" sundaes. Of course neither desert was properly finished and by the time the ice cream settled both girls were shivering cold. Clint felt like super dad for packing coats for them that he could dish out while he paid for their meal.

When they got out to the street Clint left the decision up to the girls whether they wanted to catch a cab, head over to the subway or walk. Anya declared she was far too tired to walk the whole way home so they headed to 59th holding hands. Two blocks away the girls game of Who Am I? started up again. Irina was still trying to describe her character and Clint still wasn't getting it but this time Anya was helping.

"We're really handsome and we're really cool." Anya said.

"But we're really silly too." Irina added. Clint guessed wrong six more times before they even got to the subway entrance. "We really like leather stuff but we secretly like pink." Irina said as they sat in the subway. Anya giggled loudly, covering her mouth and trying not to be disruptive to the other passengers. A couple of people turned to look, most of whom recognized Clint so they just smiled and looked away.

"Are you little Natasha's?" he asked, figuring they'd confused handsome with beautiful.

Clint's guess made them giggle harder but they both shook their heads no. "Nope but we look like...it already." Anya said, trying really hard not to give it away entirely. Luckily Clint was still really clueless. He was thinking so hard they almost missed their stop. The game kept going with clues like, "We have blue eyes." and "We sing in the shower _all_ the time." but Clint still hadn't guessed accurately.

"Final clue," Anya said as they approached the tower. She whispered something in Irina's ear as they shuffled through the doors and to the elevator. They had a hushed conversation back and forth before Anya gave the final clue. "We're the bestest person in the _entire_ universe!" Irina bobbed her head up and down enthusiastically even as she yawned. No matter how excited she was for Clint to accurately guess she was getting really, really tired. She could barely keep her eyes open and when they got in the elevator she leaned against the wall like she might fall asleep right there.

"Okay, okay, I give up!" Clint finally admitted, letting his head hang low as they entered their level. "Who are you?"

Anya and Irina giggled before tackling him in a hug and saying, "We're you, Daddy!"


End file.
